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January 22, 2008. Animals, Appliances, Books, Checks, Divine hammer, Food, Hands, Hats, Musical instruments, Noses, Office supplies, Pencils, People, Rear ends, Robots, Shoes, Sports, Toys, Vehicles, Watches. 1 comment.

Giant library card!

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Hey look, it’s a giant library card! Woo-hoo! This means you can finally reserve and take home your copy of Johnny McBiggington’s Big Stuff and Large Things and Whatnot Etcetera! Now, if only they had the foresight to purchase a sufficiently large barcode scanner. Curses! Foiled again!

January 4, 2008. Office supplies, People. 2 comments.

Giant thing sticking out of a tree!

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Umm … uh … well, okay.

December 3, 2007. People. 1 comment.

Giant check, with girl, with giant eyes!

True story: I won a giant check when I was in fourth grade. It was for an essay contest, and my piece was titled “I Pity the Consciousness: Cartesian Dualism in the Milieu of The A Team.” Swept the damn awards, I can tell you. So I get the check and I’m all ready to take it to the bank and cash it, when Ms. Milliver comes over and asks for it back – it’s just a prop, she says, it’s not really a check, she says, they’ve got a gift certificate for O.G. Wilson’s that I can have and the check was never really mine.

Something changed in me that day. The young boy that had enough trust in his heart to take the world at face value grew up abruptly; things looked a little bit different from that point on, and although I would learn to trust again, I would go through my youth wondering what other cherished tenet of my faith might be built upon shaky sand.

Oh, and yes, hellllooo ladies!

November 30, 2007. Checks, People. 4 comments.

Giant hot dog, making lewd gestures in front of a very nice lady!

I love me some hot dogs. Like to overcook them on the grill, burn ’em just a bit – because carbonization + ketchup = daddy is happy!

But this hot dog doesn’t please me. He’s behaving inappropriately. Not sure what he’s thinking in this picture, but I’ll bet you anything it has the words “eat” and “me” in it. Not polite, especially given how pleasant this woman is. She seems like she’s really sweet. She deserves better than some vile hot dog man/boy, acting ten kinds of fool with the ketchup and the mustard.

November 30, 2007. Food, People. 1 comment.

Giant stuffed dog, attacking girl!

I hate to get all political, but this is yet another instance of the dangers of cut-rate, imported toys. Here we see a stuffed animal – a nice little doggy, yes? – attacking a young girl who was foolhardy enough to cuddle with it. Mercury is great for thermometers, people, but it’s not good for the water supply. Watch what you’re doing, and check the labels on the toys you’re buying!

November 30, 2007. Animals, People, Toys. 3 comments.

Giant Nintendo game!

HELLLLLLOOOO LADIES! This young lady knows a thing or two about having fun. Exhibit A: She’s playing Metroid. That’s old school! Exhibit B: She’s playing it on the original NES. That’s old school! Exhibit C: The NES system she’s using has a controller pad that is so big it borders on the surreal! Rock on, groovy lady!

November 30, 2007. People, Toys. Leave a comment.

Giant mug, with girl!

Helllloooo ladies! Can I buy you a drink? How about thirty? Because you’ve got to have a powerful thirst in order to make the most of this mug. Me, I’d want to fill this sucker up with chamomile tea, make myself a nice hot bubble bath, and put on some Dido. And hope to God that I don’t drop the mug on my naked body.

November 19, 2007. Appliances, People. 1 comment.

Giant spoon, with fork and girl!

Look at the expression on this woman’s face. Is it shock? Horror? Delight? Irony? A devastating amalgam of all of the above? Well, just consider how you would feel if confronted with such a fork and spoon. What are you supposed to make of it? Is God taunting you, using simple constructs of wood to remind you just how small and insignificant you are? Is it a harbinger of human evolution, an invitation to gigantism? Or is it just an interesting decorating ethic?

Also, hello ladies!

November 6, 2007. Appliances, Divine hammer, People. 2 comments.

Giant spoon, with girl!

Hellllloooo ladies! This delightful young lady has an enormous spoon. And it appears to have some sort of golden varnish on it – a patina of warmth and shine that radiates a happiness not normally associated with spoons, no matter their size. The golden finish scares me a bit, though, from a health standpoint – particularly if you’re going to introduce this spoon to high temperatures, say, by stirring soup. But whatever – they wouldn’t sell this if it wasn’t safe to use, would they?

November 6, 2007. Appliances, People. 2 comments.

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