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Lady, look out! There’s an abnormally large hand reaching for you! Drop the bottled water and run!
Let this be a lesson to all of you, kids: You need to pay better attention to your surroundings. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the minutiae of day-to-day affairs, noses to the grindstone and blinders engaged and blocking out the larger view of the world. But what do you lose when you pour yourself into your tunnel vision? You lose the big picture. You lose a global perspective. And you lose the sense of initiative that comes from knowing a giant hand is about to squeeze the bejeezus out of you.
Lady, look out! Two monstrous hands are extracting themselves from terra firma, and they’re slouching toward you! Start running now and you might stand a chance! Gaia has had all she is going to take of humanity, I suppose, and you, dear girl, stand poised to receive her wrath … RUN!
Who’s number one? WE’RE NUMBER ONE! Damn straight. And this lovely young lady has latched onto one of the great unspoken secrets of awesomeness – you take your rockin’ to a whole ‘nother place when you match your shirt with your giant foam hand. Color coordination tells your momma like it is!
I don’t really know what I want to say about this. I know what Dr. Freud would say – or at least I think I do. But sometimes a corn dog is just a corn dog, you know? Maybe the faithful readers can make sense of this in the comments.
These people need to call a service. There’s a giant hand crawling down their wall! It’s something they need to act on right away, too, because it looks like they’ve got some nice cherry-wood furniture. You don’t screw around with stuff like giant hands, because they love crushing stuff. Seriously, you might think you’re saving money by treating this kind of thing yourself with some bottle of spray you bought at Home Depot, but there are some things where you just want a professional involved. This is one of them.
This little fella has got it right – he’s got the giant foam hand, plus a hat that will turn heads on the street! Way to go, young man. Clearly the yellow and gold motif is meant to represent some sports team, I believe.
What has science wrought? This unnaturally large man, no doubt the result of some spilled petri dish somewhere, is terrorizing two perfectly nice little guys. And I’ll just guarantee you that he’s gonna knock some stuff over too, and probably break some collectibles. This is why we can’t have nice things. Too many giants.
File this one under missed opportunities. We begin with a giant biscuit – and a nice looking one at that. But then, the assembler of this sandwich decides to get frugal at exactly the wrong time – one slice of ham? What the hell, dude? A biscuit of this size needs at least three slices. And unless I’m missing something, there’s no cheese on there. Get it together.
AAAUUUUGGHH! God is angry with us! Witness, friends, the giant hand that is tippie-toeing through this peaceful village. Notice that the villagers themselves are smart enough to flee – they’re all inside! Are you smart enough to get out of the way of the giant hand?
(Also, please notice the stylish watch the giant hand is wearing. Very nice.)