Look carefully at this freakishly large penguin. Look carefully, right around the neck. Do you see it? That horizontal line? Yes indeed, I believe that this penguin is actually a cookie jar! Can you imagine the size of the cookies inside this thing? My goodness, it staggers the imagination. Cookies the likes of which we have never seen before! These are great days to be alive.
Oh, and also: Hello ladies!
Big ol’ scissors are the order of the day here. These would be great for cutting a giant ribbon, perhaps, or making a freakishly large curly bow for a package. You know, like when you take the Christmas ribbon and drag the scissor blade across it to make it curl up? Those. You could really make one of those with these scissors. But you know what this makes me want to do? Cut out some giant paper dolls!
I like big butt-shaped cakes and I cannot lie! And you already know you can’t deny. This has to be the single greatest cake ever made. You know why? Because it can also look like boobs if you squint at it just right. I call the jean label! That’s some serious frosting action.
Take notice, people – this is what the future looks like if we don’t change our ways. Galactus Panopticon, the great ruler of the fearsome Titanicus tribe, pays a rare visit to earth here, and a few lucky people were witness to the event. Galactus even allowed this photo to be taken, something he doesn’t usually do. The message remains clear: Stop being annoying, human race, or the age of the robots will begin!
This guy is taking a sip from a plastic thing that looks like a big coffee cup. Or wait a minute … is that a golf bag? Like one of those shock-resistant ones, for guys who go golfing in the jungle? You know, the more I look at it, the more I think it’s a garbage can. Dude, quit drinking out of the garbage can! That’s filthy.
Holy cow, look at the size of that book! And even more amazing is the fact that somebody managed to get it stuck up in the corner like that. I bet that took two or three people, plus another one to hold the ladder. I can’t make out what this book is, but it looks serious – lots of little print. Probably doesn’t have any pictures.
Kids, GET AWAY FROM THERE! This is how giant spiders operate – they put on a friendly face, usually a comically exaggerated one, and that’s how they lure you in. But behind that smiling face is a heart that pulses with dark arachnoid hatred! PUT DOWN THE PUMPKINS AND RUN FOR IT! NOW!
Woe to the pumpkin, that most lowly and misunderstood of creatures … believed by many to be a vegetable, the pumpkin is actually a member of the rodent family, rodentia. But it is often misunderstood because it is very, very sedentary. And I mean, these things almost never move around. They also look very much like vegetables, what with the way they grow out of the ground and all. Make no mistake, though: these things have feelings, and families, and emotions. And then look at these two – yowza!
I got my pen-cil … gimme something to write on! This is a great looking pencil, and I bet it writes like a dream. But if you were to absent-mindedly chew on the eraser, you might get a stomach ache -that’s a lot of eraser, after all! And if you were to make the mistake of tucking this behind your ear, you might end up with some real cartilage pain.
Why do I love this so much? Because it’s bad-ass is why! I would totally put this sucker in my truck, then I’d be ready to roll. Do you like Def Leppard? I sure hope so, because I’m gonna be cranking “High and Dry” once I get this thing in the truck! Rock of ages, ya’all!